Mapping the Uncertainty (Or Why I’m Logging My Way Through 2021)

It’s New Year’s Day here in Brisbane. January 1st, 2021. The hell year of 2020 is in the rear view, and the coming year is shiny and new and only a little splattered by the ongoing shit it inherited from the previous 365 days.

I woke up this morning, wrote three pages, then spent an hour walking around the neighbourhood to check out the damage New Year’s wrought. Here, in my neck of the woods, it’s mostly roadside vomiting and evidence of some kind of car accident at the intersection near my house. More than I expected, as we seemed to be taking things quietly last night, but nowhere near the New Year’s record.

Once home, I made a coffee and fired up a fresh logbook for the year.

Okay, 2021. Now it’s fucking on…

I picked up the logbook habit from Austin Kleon, who advocates for the practice on his blog and in his book Steal Like An Artist. The process is basically what it says on the tin: log all the major things you do across a day in one place, so you’ve got an ongoing record of your year and what you did with it.

It’s also a way of keeping track of little details: when did I last put the electric toothbrush on to charge (or, for that matter, when did I last change the brush head)? When was the last time I contacted X about that project? How long has it been since we started watching that TV show?

All of that is useful stuff, and usually lives in my bullet journal for review when I need it, but this year I’ve elected to give it a dedicated notebook for two important reasons.

The first is the utility of creating an object that represents time physically, rather than conceptually. It’s one thing to acknowledge that a month has passed, but another to look see the year split between what’s already gone and what is yet to come. There is always a very tangible representation of how much of the year is left, accessible at a quick glance.

The second reason—the considerably more important one—comes down to the fact that 2021 is a transition year. Later today I finish my business plan and submit it to the folks as the NEIS program training, who are ready to sign off on eight months of funding while I try to build Brian Jar Press into a viable small business. I get to put all my attention on editing, publishing and selling books for a stretch, because that funding gives me some breathing space to pay rent while I build up the Brain Jar list.

Which is an outstanding and exciting prospect—especially given everything that’s going on, where there’s very little that’s genuinely excited about—but it’s also a big mindset shift. My brain is still wired for writing a lot, not publishing, and every habit and routine I have is built around getting more writing done.

Couple that with twenty years of my self-identity hanging off the notion of writing for a living, and there’s some days when the transition to publisher is a psychological struggle. I get anxiety about setting aside one part of my career to focus on another, and I grumble about the various publishing tasks which mean 2000 words a day is not a sustainable habit (let us set aside that it’s never been a sustainable habit for me).

At the same time, there’s other life changes our household is navigating: a partner with some ongoing health conditions that mean we’re re-learning routines and the distribution of housework; a global pandemic that’s changed our relationship to damn-near everything, including working from home; my own health issues, physical and mental, which can be managed fairly easily if I pay attention (but always slide the moment I get busy).

Basically, there’s a lot going on right now, and a lot of is new. I have very little idea of how long it takes to get things done, and my attempts to estimate and budget my time is running into roadblocks at every step. Logging is a way to get a handle on that, and recognise that things like uploading one of our new books to all sales sites takes a good six hours rather than the two I’d usually budget.

And thus, I save myself a world of frustration, because I know that trying to write a lot on upload days is a futile exercise. Far better to spend that extra hour targeting a different goal. Basically, the logbook is a tool dedicated to mapping my way through the uncertainty of my life at the moment.

It doesn’t always feel like that—here in the 21st century, we’re used to thinking of maps as things inside the GPS, telling us exactly how to get from one place to another—but all of them started as exactly this: a representation of the route explorers took as they navigated the unknown, so those that followed could find the safest and most efficient route.

AND SPEAKING OF BOOK UPLOADS

We recently announced one of our big projects for 2020 over at Brain Jar Press, offering a six month subscription to the Writer Chaps line of non-fiction chapbooks from some of Australia’s best writers of fantasy, science fiction, and horror.

I’ll be back to talk about why these books are so interesting next week, but for the moment I’ll just say this: I kicked this project off by contact six writers whose writing-about-writing was a huge influence on me when I first turned to writing fiction back in 2006. The whole series kicks off with Angela Slatter’s You Are Not Your Writing & Other Sage Advice on January 16, but you can subscribe to the whole first season and Brain Jar Press will send you chapbooks from Angela, Tansy Rayner Roberts, Sean Williams, Alan Baxter, and Kaaron Warren over the coming months.

Take a moment to go check ’em out.

Writer Chaps Season One Subscription | You Are Not Your Writing & Other Sage Advice

The Line When Soup Becomes Soup

I spend a lot of time fascinated by the mutability of words, which is one of those things that’s seeped into my fiction from time-to-time. This made me a sucker for Something Something Soup Something, a concept that’s part-online game and part philosophy experiment about the mutability of a simple concept like “soup”.

The narrative behind the game is simple: it’s the future; aliens are making soup and teleporting it into your kitchen, but their understanding of soup is often flawed and needs a level of oversight. You stand by the teleporter and look at their creations, saying yes or no to each, and after a round of 20 or so serves the game will put together your personal philosophy of soup based upon your choices.

It’s a really simple concept and a similarly simple bit of coding, but the gameplay is secondary to the experiment going on behind the scenes – while there’s a general consensus about certain elements that make soup soup, these aren’t universal. The concept is vague, shifting, and impossible to define, particularly once you’re presented with options that might be soup.

The results challenge the idea that any concept is truly knowable, despite our belief that there are specific definitions. It’s a timely reminder of the problems inherent in that assumption:

Most people believe that we live in a world where everyone understands what words mean. But that assumption seems to be very flawed from the outset. So if we actually misunderstand each other on such simple concepts as ‘soup’, imagine how badly we misunderstand each other on more complex matters like democracy, freedom, or justice. The implications are very real and very telling. 

(From You Don’t Know What Soup Is in Think! magazine)

What’s interesting about this for writers isn’t just the commentary on how language works, but the model that it presents with regards to genre. People love to assume that genres are static, knowable things, but those definitions are constantly in flux and willing to shift to accommodate texts that only meet some of the requirements. The process Something Something Soup Something asks players to go through is analogous to the theories of genre that I was looking at for the PhD, and which Kim Wilkins talks about in her essay about the way her novel was positioned (and repositioned) by various publishers and readers who wanted it to be a fantasy, a romance, or something else.

For the record, I am strongly in the camp that believes that food should be served on plates, not wooden boards or kitchen sinks or whatever tragedy of culinary service finds its way to We Want Plates. The discovery that my personal theory of soup is largely dependent on the liquidity and edibility, and willing to allows for a diversity of containers and eating utensils, caught me a little off-guard.

What Readers Ought To Know About What Writers Ought To Know About Die Hard

Every December, around this time, my blog goes a little crazy as folks discover the What Writers Out To Know About Die Hard series of posts and start asking particularly sensible questions like, “wait, we’re only halfway through, were’s the rest of the series?” and “so you’re going to finish writing this, right?”

And much as I always nod and promise I’ll get back to it one day, the odds of it making it to the top of my to-do list have always been low for a couple of complex reasons, most of which I fell into the habit of not talking about in public. So, with that in mind, here’s the current state of play:

  1. I wrote these back in 2013/2014, when I wasn’t in the best of physical or emotional health. They were powered by a clinging-on-by-the-skin-of-my-teeth energy that fueled all my writing at the time, trying to bang things out before my sleep condition left me falling asleep at the keyboard and filling the page with the same letter. I reacted a lot, rather than planning next steps, and dug holes without figuring out how to get out of them. It’s…hard…to touch upon that mindset again.
  2. Writing an entry is a huge amount of work. Each post averages about five thousand words, and takes about two days to produce while I do the close reading of the film. I’ve spent more time engaging in close analysis of Die Hard than any book or series I’ve looked at for my PhD thesis, which is saying something. I’ve spent more time analysing Die Hard than I’ve spent editing short novels, and technically this writing thing is how I make my living. And while I was single and employed, back when I started this series, I now have a partner and a freelance career, neither of which affords me the space to spend two days futzing about with the DVD player logging time codes.
  3. The internet moved on and blogging holds less appeal. I pulled back on blogging because it often involved working three times harder for half the readership I got back in 2013, which changes the math of how will I spend my limited writing and promotion time? Especially when you have less time to devote to maintaining an online presence, and more need to get paid for your writing because your job situation (and mortgage) is different.
  4. My opinions on the film/theory have evolved over the last few years. The version of this series I’d write here in 2020 is different to the version I started in 2013. I’ve got another 7 years of thinking about writing and structure under my belt, and there are different aspects of the film that resonate with me. For example, I’ve got 3,000 words of Part Four written, and it covers about eight minutes of the film and it’s use of microstructure in a sequence, rather than the rest of the second act.

Add in a bunch of little things, like moving from the DVD player with easily accessed time-codes and fine-tuned pause-rewind-fast-forward controls to streaming services that don’t regard such things as necessary, and finishing the series is a shit-ton of work that starts with updating and re-writing parts one through three, then producing a word-count roughly equivalent to writing a new Keith Murphy book (or a time equivalent roughly equal to editing about 3 or 4 new books for Brain Jar Press). Given that writing and publishing are how I pay my bills, rather than collecting a steady paycheck as I did back in 2013, the math never works out in Die Hard‘s favour.

Every now and then I toss around the idea of just writing it as a book, because I suspect the only way of justifying the project is attaching a dollar value to it, but that would make the series a whole different beast. I’ve considered doing it as a Patreon project, but I’m always wary of Patreon’s tendency to silo content.

But I do like doing this analysis. I keep circling around the film and making notes and meaning to get back to it, and after seven years I’m rather open to the idea of crossing it off my to-do list.

So here’s my current thinking:

  • Re-start the series in 2021, kicking off with a polish and revision of the first three posts. It’s not happening prior to that because, frankly, I’m watching it with my partner on Christmas day and I’d rather not do that with six prior viewings in my head 🙂
  • I’ll chuck my PayPal tipjar at the bottom of every post. I won’t require people to donate to access content, but if there’s a chance the series will buy me a cup of coffee every now and then, it’ll give me some motivation to do it as my “free time” writing instead of producing pro-wrestling fanfic.
    • Heck, at this point, even just semi-regular comments would probably help push the series up the to-do list. I basically started thinking about this because Kelly Link nudged me on twitter 🙂
  • Once it’s done, I’ll compile a free, downloadable zine version. Because, frankly, I’ve just kicked off a whole series of chapbooks for Brain Jar Press under theory that “blogs are horrible way to archive good content,” and trying to source all my old posts gave me a mild ulcer.

Anyway, if you’re keen to see the series continue, let me know your thoughts in the comments.