Journal

My problem with morning commutes is the time spent in my head. Give me forty minutes to an hour on a densely packed train, where the primary task is suppressing the mild anxiety that kicks in when surrounded by people, and there’s a good chance my internal monologue will go in all sorts of negative directions.

Like most commuters, I rely on distractions to get me through it: reading comics on my phone; flicking through a book; watching the scenery. Spend some quality time observing the other passengers, figuring out how to render the as fictional characters.

That kid with the brolgas on his three-quarter pants becomes an antagonist in whatever I end up writing next, probably showing up as something supernatural; the middle-aged couple who board the train home every day and immediately stand together, face to face, locking the rest of the world out…well, who knows what they’re going in, but they’re logged and ready. A nice little metaphor that will show up in some character’s world while they’re processing their larger conflicts and figuring out why they do what they do.

I broke the camera lens on my phone twelve months ago. Three times I tried to get it repaired, and three times I was rebuffed or quoted a bill far larger than I wanted to pay for a working camera. The rest of the phone worked fine, and I could still take blurry close-ups of anything truly important. If I really got desperate, I could use the selfie-camera and rely on the auto-zoom.

No problem, I thought. I can do without a camera. I’ll make do with what I’ve got. I placed sticky tape over the shattered lens and got on with things. 

The first problem came a few months ago, when I needed to photograph a doctors receipt for the Australian medicare app. Getting an image clear enough required several attempts, many knock-backs, and a convoluted set-up that involved lying under a coffee table and trying to take a clear selfie of the receipt on the tabletop above me.

It was a minor thing, not enough to convince me I should change, even though I’d make occasional overtures towards getting the lens repaired.

It wasn’t until the phone refused to change that I finally moved on, accepting what needed to be done. 

So, last week, I got a new phone. Found myself in possession of a working camera once again. Just to cover the little things, like taking photographs of bills when needed. Or scanning documents and receipts, when I want a virtual record instead of the cheap, flimsy strips of paper that deteriorate and fade.

Almost immediately, I began to photograph things. Started looking at the world around me with an eye towards taking a snapshot.

Old habits, left to go dormant while the tools were broke, coming to life again. Embracing the low-pressure creativity, a thing I can do for fun instead of thinking about how it fits into my career and advances a step towards a long-term goal.