Bake Off! or, I Offer to Throw My Dignity Away to Make Up for My Lack of Skillz

We’re in the midst of a competitive bake-off at work this week, endeavoring to raise money in support of International Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month. QWC staff have diligently unearthed the most impressive cakes they can, pitched their merits via facebook, and asked people to donate and vote for their favourite baked treat. Funds raised will go towards supporting the ongoing work of the Garvan Institute and the Australian Pancreatic Cancer Genome Initiative.

That’s the serious bit.

The not so serious bit is that the staff member who raises the most money will be required to wear the Hat of Awesome, which I’ve been assured is an actual hat, and therefore MUST BE MINE. ‘Cause, you know, hat…awesome. I can spend an entire day pretending to be a Jäger, speaking in a German accent and generally befuddling my colleagues with random Girl Genius references.

I may also declare myself LORD OF THE CAKES, simply because I can.

Now I suffer a disadvantage in this contest ’cause I’m pretty much limited to a two-cake arsenal – I make a pretty good chili-carrot cake and a mean Sri Lankan Love Cake with Honey-Ginger Cream – and neither of these cakes photographs well ’cause I aim for damn fuckin’ tasty rather than pretty when it comes to food.

Meanwhile some of my co-workers have brought out the big guns, such as the dreaded Cherpumple (think Turducken, but made with cake and pie), in order to ensure the hat is theirs. There’s no beating the Cherpumple in a fair bake-off – it’s a culinary monster that requires that combination of l33t skillz and foodie ambition that I don’t posses.

Which is why I plan on cheating and using this-here blog to ask…nay, I verily BEG… for your money and your vote. If you – yes YOU – head on over to our Bake-Off page, throw a handful of coins into the pot, and put “Peter’s Mighty Sri-Lankan Love Cake FTW” in the comments along with your, the hat of awesome can still be mine.

‘Course, I’m not just going to ask for your money and your vote while giving you nothing in return. We all know that the internet runs on three things – cats, food porn, and other people’s humiliation – so I hereby offer to do the following things if I win:

1) Post the recipe I use for said Love-Cake/Honey Cream combination here on the blog, for all to partake of the  (traditionally I hold this recipe hostage and taunt people with it, for he who holds the secrets of the cake holds power in his hands)

2) Post a photograph of me wearing the HAT OF AWESOME once its in my possession (This promises to be somewhat amusing for you all, and if it’s not, I’ll go find some other moderately embarrassing hats to be photographed in)

3) If I win the Hat and we succeed in raising our $1000 goal as an organisation, I will actually declare myself LORD OF THE CAKES and video tape myself doing a DANCE OF VICTORY while wearing the HAT OF AWESOME (I’d offer to hold a cat while doing this, for the added laughs, but I’m kinda…allergic). As a bonus, I’ll even let the person who donates the highest amount in my name pick the song.

So, to sum up: Cancer Bad, Cakes Good, We Need Your Money, PETER’S ABJECT HUMILIATION DISPLAYED FOR ALL TO SEE ON THE INTERNET. What more do you want?